Tachyony: Imported page

2022-01-18T00:42:02Z

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{{humorous essay|WP:FIGHT|WP:FIRSTRULE|nocat=y}}
{{CabalDecree}}
{{nutshell|What happens on Wikipedia, stays on Wikipedia.}}
{|style="padding: 0.3em; margin-left:15px; border: 1px solid #B8C7D9; background:#f5faff; text-align:center; font-size: 95%" width="23%" align="right"
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!style="background: #cedff2;" |[[Wikipedia:List of policies|Wikipedia policies]]
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|align="center" style="padding: 0.3em; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 0.9em; background-color: #cedff2"| Article standards
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|style="padding: 0.3em"|[[Wikipedia:Neutral point of view|Neutral point of view]] [[Wikipedia:Verifiability|Include only verifiable information]] [[Wikipedia:No original research|No original research]] [[Wikipedia:Citing sources|Citing sources]] [[Wikipedia:What Wikipedia is not|What Wikipedia is not]]

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|align="center" style="padding: 0.3em; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 0.9em; background-color: #cedff2"| Working with others
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|style="padding: 0.3em"|[[Wikipedia:Assume good faith|Assume good faith]] [[Wikipedia:Civility|Civility]] and [[Wikipedia:Etiquette|etiquette]] [[Wikipedia:No personal attacks|No personal attacks]] [[Wikipedia:Resolving disputes|Resolving disputes]] [[Wikipedia:No climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man|No climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man]]
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[[File:One, tel aviv.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Rule number one is laid out in ''[[Fight_Club_(novel)#Plot|Fight Club]]''.]]
 
# The first rule of Wikipedia is: [[Fight_Club_(novel)#Plot|You do not talk about Wikipedia]].
# The second rule of Wikipedia is: [[WP:MEATPUPPET|You do '''not''' talk about Wikipedia]].
# The third rule of Wikipedia is: [[WP:CANVASS#Stealth_canvassing|Don't go talkin' 'bout '''Wikipedia''']].<ref>This rule is best spoken while imitating [[Samuel L. Jackson]], preferably from his role in ''[[Pulp Fiction (film)|Pulp Fiction]]''.</ref>
# The fourth rule of Wikipedia is: You do '''not''' reference fight club on Wikipedia, as it will get you kicked out of{{nbsp}}... never mind.
# The fifth rule of Wikipedia is: You can not talk about Wikipedia when editing Wikipedia.
# The sixth rule of Wikipedia is: There is no rule six.
# The seventh rule of Wikipedia is: Do not look at Wikipedia and touch your leg while eating a pancake with apples, nuts, and berries.
# The eighth rule of Wikipedia is: Do not look at Wikipedia.
# The ninth rule of Wikipedia is: Do not think about Wikipedia.
# The two one quintillion two hundred eleven quadrillion three hundred thirty trillion ninety-five billion seven hundred seventy-four million five hundred fifty-five thousand six hundred sixty-second rule of Wikipedia is: The actual spelling of Wikipedia is: Incomprehensibilities.
 
While it is fine to recruit sane, reasonable people to become [[Wikipedia:Wikipedians|Wikipedians]], one must remember that Wikipedia is [[Wikipedia:Wikipediholic|intensely addictive]] and talking about all the fun [[WP:DR|disputes]] you've been having, people you've been [[WP:ARBCOM|oppressing]], and [[WP:IAR|general mayhem]] you've enjoyed as a Wikipedian may cause them to spontaneously attempt to [[WP:MEAT|join in]].

Unfortunately, new users, including those with a [[WP:HUMAN|numeric moniker]], diving in to join in the [[Wikipedia:Edit war|fun other people are having]] tend to stick out like sore thumbs and will promptly be [[WP:SPA|labeled]] as your evil [[WP:SOCK|sock minions]] and end up [[WP:BLOCK|not having any fun at all]]. This is especially true when they play with the [[WP:3RR|revert button]], take [[WP:BATTLE|up arms]] on your side, and [[WP:ATTACK|attack your enemies]]. While this may seem very pleasant from one point of view, it reflects badly on you, and is detrimental to the long-term health of these well-intentioned [[WP:NEWBIES|newbies]].

As a result, the '''[[WP:CABAL|Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW)]]''' has decreed that new users should be treated in the following fashion:
:'''(A)''' Pleasantly [[Wikipedia:Why create an account?|invited to join]].
:'''(B)''' Given [[WP:TEA|tea and scones]].
:'''(C)''' Provided with copies of the [[WP:PILLARS|5 Pillars]] and other [[Wikipedia:Introduction|introductory]] [[Wikipedia:Contributing to Wikipedia|readings]].
:'''(D)''' Vigorously [[hazing|inducted]] into the [[WP:CABAL|Cabal]] using arcane incantations like [[WP:RS|RES]][[WP:CIV|CIV]][[WP:NPA|N-PA]][[WP:OR|THOR]] or [[WP:ATT|ATT]][[WP:ANI|ANI]][[WP:FR|FR]][[WP:O|THO]][[WP:ARB|ARB]].
: (...)
:'''(Ω)''' Promoted to [[WP:ROUGE|Rouge Admin]] after a suitable period of time.

Only by following this complicated and [[WP:IAR|necessary task]] can new users be properly certified by the [[WP:CABAL|cabal]] and made in to productive abusers of the [[Wikipedia:Five pillars of evil|Five Pillars of Evil]].

===Addendum===

It has come to the attention of the '''[[WP:CABAL|Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW)]]''' that some [[WP:TE|nefarious users]] have been recruiting new users ''solely'' in order for them to [[WP:BATTLE|fight]] on their behalf. This is strongly discouraged, as the raising of [[WP:TROLL|armies on Wikipedia]] is permitted only when there is a [[Wikipedia:Primogeniture|primogeniture]] dispute between [[WP:ROUGE|admins]],<ref>See [[Wikipedia:Primogeniture]]</ref> due to the immense [[collateral damage]] modern [[warfare]] causes.

==See also==

* [[Wikipedia:Disruptive editing]]
* [[Wikipedia:Staying cool when the editing gets hot]]
* [[Wikipedia:No angry mastodons]]
* [[Wikipedia:Don't be a fanatic]]
* [[Wikipedia:What Wikipedia is not#Wikipedia is not a battleground]]
* [[Wikipedia:The world will not end tomorrow]]
* [[Wikipedia:No climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man]]

==References==

{{reflist}}
{{Wikipedia essays|humour}}
[[Category:Humorous Wikipedia essays|{{PAGENAME}}]]
[[Category:Wikipedia cabal humor|{{PAGENAME}}]]

Wikipedia:The first rule of Wikipedia - Revision history

Tachyony: Imported page